Thursday, February 16, 2012


Mommies, WE HAVE A CRISIS ON OUR HANDS!!!!!!!!!!! As I got to my gym yesterday to teach Zumba/Spin/Yoga, I saw this sign at the front desk!!!

Yup. They filled out the dreaded blank "Your child may have been exposed to" document. AT LEAST IT WASN'T LICE THIS TIME!!!!

Now Aloe and Cider have been itching their eyes! WHAT IF FORTIFY GETS IT?!?!?!?!?!?! I KNEW I should not have let them play in the kid area while mommy taught class to the mommies who gave up on themselves after pregnancy and are now trying to solve all of their problems with a one hour class twice a week (but you know me--I don't judge other moms. I have no idea what kinds of trials they aren't strong enough to handle that they might be dealing with).

I'm so worried that Fortify is going to get Pink Eye just as pageant season is beginning. We already have enough working against us, what with the petition to get her disqualified! (More jealous mommies who don't want their child to compete with my Fortify because they never taught their brats how to handle defeat!). Of course they say the petition is to protect the other children from "the events of last season." You know what, I'M SORRY THAT YOUR FOUR YEAR OLD DAUGHTERS DIDN'T HANDLE MY HELPFUL DIETING ADVICE BACK STAGE IN A HEALTHY MANNER! I'M SORRY THAT THE ONLY INFORMATION THEIR OWN MOMMIES HAVE GIVEN THEM HAS LED THEM TO BELIEVE THAT IT'S OK TO EAT IN THE 2 DAYS LEADING UP TO A COMPETITION (with THIS quality of participants, it's NO WONDER Fortify doesn't feel challenged!).

Anyway, now I've got to figure out how to deal with a possible Pink Eye problem. ANY MOM ADVICE OUT THERE????

~I Apparently Like Fortify More Than My Other Kids

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Pull Out the Tiaras!!!!

Ok, so I know you've all been wondering where on Earth I've been in the last week!!! Well wonder no more!!! I'm still here, just trying to figure out how to balance it all, just like all of you.

The main reason things have been so busy in the last week is that pageant season is in full swing again! YIKES!!! Fortify has been trying to narrow down which talent she'll use this year. I'm positive that the reason she didn't sweep the pageants in 2011 is because she was performing on such a higher level than the other children so the judges just didn't know how to score her. I believe she was disqualified for this reason.

The only thing I'm really upset about this go around is that I received a letter in the mail the other day from the pageant committee warning me that Fortify could be disqualified again. In full, the letter states:

Dear Eli,

It has come to our attention that despite our conversations with you in late 2011, Fortify plans to enter this year's contests. We are concerned about the delicate feelings of all of the children that participate in our competitions and constantly strive to encourage a positive environment in which they can shine and grow. We know you will help us this year by refraining from engaging in the aggressive tactics we warned you about last season. We remain very serious about the consequences of criticizing other children's performances, insisting on waiting in the child-only staging area, and bullying judges. We will consider our encounters with you in June, October, and November of last year as your final warnings and will not hesitate to disqualify Fortify in the event that we feel your behavior is counterproductive to the positive atmosphere we fervently try to foster.


Patty Pageant Committee 

WTH?!?!?!???!?!?!?!!!!???!?!?!?!!!!!!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RESPOND TO THIS ONE!?!???!!!!!??!!! I'M SORRY IF I WANT TO BE INVOLVED! I'M SORRY THAT I CARE ABOUT MY CHILD AND DON'T TRUST HER TO BE LEFT TO THE INSTRUCTION OF COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT STRANGERS WHO HAVE PROBABLY NEVER RAISED A GIFTED CHILD BEFORE!!! I'm sorry that other moms out there are raising their own children LIKE WILD ANIMALS who have no structure and are incapable of internalizing constructive criticism!

This whole thing makes me so sick! But we are NOT going to let this ruin our pageant season. Fortify is going to win and she is going to win BIG this year!

~I Just Get More Competitive Over Things That Don't Matter