Monday, July 16, 2012

PTA Depression

The town mayor issued a letter, congratulating June Snapple on her big win. He said he's happy to have someone who is going to help him in his mission to combat poverty in our area. It was such a slap in the face. Like they took my campaign promises and attributed them to June.

I was the one who was going to fight poverty! I promised to do what I could to get the poor neighborhoods OUT of our school district. I was POUNCED on for saying things like that. But now, all of the sudden, June Snapple is "fighting poverty" and she's the big hero.

To tell you the truth, it's been a rough week or two.

June is still the PTA president.

I am still the most unappreciated mom in town.

And Grace Telly still shouldn't be allowed out of her house without a helmet.

Meanwhile, my children are the only talented kids in town. Certainly their very CARING, and LOVING, and KNOWLEDGEABLE mommy would have NOTHING to do with THAT! How I was not elected PTA president is still a mystery to me. Some days I bounce around from rage to despair, then back to rage, then despair, etc.

And through it all, Casper keeps asking me to come to his soccer games. Seriously Casper?! Soccer?! Does he not know what happened to me?! How can he possibly think that I would want to go to a soccer game right now? Not to mention, Casper hasn't even scored a goal this season. I just don't have it in me right now to go sit through one of his games, only to see him fail.

But that's what being a mom is. Sometimes you have to just deal with disappointment. Sometimes you have to find ways to politely tell your children that they need to do a better job to earn your attention. Sometimes you have to just keep trying, even when it would be so easy to give up.

And sometimes, the thing that keeps me going is knowing how much of an inspiration I am to all of you. No, I'm not the "official" PTA president. But I am your leader. I am your example. You need me to show you how to make so way cute crafts. You need my advice for how to deal with delinquent children, and for how to obtain the spotlight for those who need it. You need me to tell it like it is. To call out those who raise their children to be the spawn of Satan. And above all else, you need my example of how to be a mom who doesn't judge. A mom who just helps.

I'm still here. And will be. I will continue to be your shining light through the darkness. Because I know how much you all love and need me.

You're welcome.

Monday, July 2, 2012


AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  GRAAAARRARARARARARRALKJKJ%$%$%$%$%$%#%#%@%!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I SUPPOSE it's unbecoming of a mommy to be so full of rage, but I DOUBT ANY MOMMY HAS EVER HAD TO DEAL WITH SUCH FRUSTRATION!!!!



It all started Friday morning. My babies were out passing fliers and putting up anti-June posters when suddenly Fortify was approached by a police officer. This moron took Fortify from her work and made her bring him to me. Then he TOTALLY freaked out on me for putting up innocent pictures around town depicting June Snapple getting her head cut off with dull scissors (something everyone wishes would actually happen!). The posters were so way cute, not that some gross police officer man could possibly recognize that. I was all like, "I'm sorry you're so offended by this picture. I guess you've never met June Snapple???" But then he like starts threatening me that I have to take them down.

Well, I'm not the type that likes trouble so I was all like, "fine, don't come complaining to me when June Snapple invites Chugger Elementary to next year's barbecue and your kids all get lice as a result!"

Then I had to spend the rest of the morning going around town collecting all of my campaign materials. And moms, it was SO frustrating because I knew that it was all just a conspiracy by the town (headed by none other than June Snapple) to try to keep me from winning the election. But I knew that it didn't really matter BECAUSE WHO WOULD VOTE FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN WEARING THE SAME DRESS FOR THAT MANY YEARS???

So then the voting began. We all gathered at the school and waited in line. Then, after hardly more than half the total votes had been counted, someone announced that June Snapple had won and that was that.

Guys, I wish you could have seen how disturbing it was to watch the other moms cheer. It was like they knew if June Snapple didn't sense enthusiasm from them, her bad parenting skills would somehow turn their own children into illiterate morons too.

And the thing is, I KNOW there was cheating going on. Seriously, who would have NOT voted for me??! I suspect that even June Snapple probably wanted to vote for me. I hesitate to say anything because you know I don't like to start rumors or gossip, but seriously, I'm 100% positive that June Snapple and Grace Telly stuffed the ballot box. And the whole town can see that ballot boxes aren't the only thing Telly is stuffing lately. Oink oink. And I'm confident that Grace Telly is too stupid to pull something like this off on her own, but June Snapple has been around the block a few times (in more ways than one!!! If you know what I mean!) and I'm sure she has rigged the election every year since she took office in 2001.

Well congratulations PTA! You get another year of lipstick teeth lady.

We might as well just turn the school into a brothel.

Prudish whore.

It's a good thing I don't judge.