Tuesday, February 4, 2020

Saxxxany, but you didn't hear it from me

Heeyyyy gal pals and pal galzzz. It's been like a so way wild ride since I last wrote and I've been like so way busy but I wanted to tell you about my new years goals cuz if we don't have goals we'll just become the Grace Tellys of the world.

So this year I'm like way going to focus on me more because I feel like in past years I have only been thinking of others. In 2019 I basically spent every waking hour focusing on June Snapple which I honestly for reals felt like it was my civic and christian duty to do because June Snapple has so many bad ideas for the PTA and if someone doesn't try to stop her we're going to have more poor people sending their kids to our schools.

Last year June Snapple legit like seriously stood up at a PTA meeting and was all "I think we should have a fundraiser to raise money to send all of the first graders to Baffly Farm for the field trip this year instead of make the families pay for it because some families can't afford to send their kids" and you know what I did. I raised my hand and I was like "how about the poor families just stop being poor and then they can pay for their kids to not give my kids lice." But also like if they're not going to stop being poor, why do their kids need to even go visit Baffly Farm in the first place? Their house probably already smells like a barn.

Anywaysies June Snapple was like such an uggo about it and she was like "for the last time we've asked you to either keep your mouth shut or stop coming to these meetings" and I was like "sorry JS. I'm here for my Fortify and I'm not going anywheresies even though that would totes obviously be easier for you."

BTW, who's surprised June Snapple wants what's easy considering that's the word most people use to describe her OMG YOU MOMS ARE SO BAD DO NOT LAUGH AT THAT!

June Snapple doesn't actually care about the school anyway. All she cares about are the kids and their education and impressing Donna Rable which is something I will never understand. Donna Rable is so dumb she has to wheel an oxygen tank around with her to remind her to breathe.

So as a part of my YEAR OF ME I've decided to start buying sups way cute outfits for myself using this brand new state of the art material that allows you to be the best you while being the comfiest you. These spandex tops are like so way cute and they come in 20 different inspiring colors. Not only do I look great, but I'm also rising to new heights, believing in myself in ways I never thought possible, and truly winning.

I had planned to not tell you guys about this because this is the Year of Me and not the Year of YOU but I felt like so way bad keeping this incredible thing to myself so that's why I'm letting you in on this little secret. Saxxxany is a new innovative brand that not only allows you to look great, but it also gives you a new life. Thanx to Saxxxany, I'm not only turning heads when I walk through the gym, but I'm also a business owner, an entrepreneur, and I've taken full control of my career.

I'm not really supposed to talk about it because Saxxxany is like a so way exclusive thing and they don't want every June Snapple and Grace Telly trying to get in on the ground level, but you guys like get it in the way the uggos in my town don't get it (unless we're talking about carbs in a buffet LOLZ).

So like if you want to change your life and become a part of the Saxxxany family, I could hook you up with your own starter kit. What they do is like so way smart. Instead of selling stuff that is like basically so easy to sell it's like selling fried twinkies to Donna Rable, and then having to order it and make people wait to get the product, you just buy a box for $1600 and it comes with five tops and a few accessories and then you just sell it on your own time, in your own way.

You seriously like don't answer to anyone. It's all about you and your business. I like get to make time for poetry with Fortify and disciplining Casper and dance lessons for Aloe and then I just sell the product when I'm ready.

You guys. There are moms who have seriously made like $750k a year doing this. A YEAR.

A.

YEAR.

So like if you want to pass up on not being poor, like that's totally your choice and I won't judge you for it (just help), but like then you'll deserve what you get.

Just like every time June Snapple gets Chlamydia.

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