THE PTA!

The mommies have spoken again!!!! Looks like we have a new winner to join our winners tab! With 28% of the vote, you chose Shauna and Karin's "Celebration of Spring" as this week's CUTEST craft! Congratsies to Big S and Big K!!!

In other news, it's been a hard hard week for me. Sometimes I just have to deal with so much and it's not always easy to be the example to other moms. I make my so way cute crafts. I drive my girls around to their various competitions. I completely deck the house with whatever holiday decorations are in season. I do it ALL. And I do it for you--so you'll have someone to look up to. Someone to show you how to act in order for others to understand that you care about your children. Because BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY there are so many moms out there who don't care ONE OUNCE about their kids' well being. I saw a mom just the other day WHO LET HER KIDS WATCH TELEVISION!!!!! And I thought, "I'm sorry that your kids mean so little to you that you would let cable news channels raise them!" (But you know me, I don't judge other moms who don't have enough motivation or love to give their children what they need. I just help.).

I think the biggest reason I'm so discouraged right now is because of what's happening in the PTA again. I ran for president last year and lost AGAIN because of some jealousies in the program. Elections are here again and this year I intend to beat June Snapple--June Snapple, who thinks it's acceptable to let moms attend our meetings WHO HAVEN'T EVEN MADE THEMSELVES LOOK PRESENTABLE!!!! Seriously, June Snapple is the WORST PTA president IN HISTORY!!!! The PTA has ABSOLUTELY fallen into total embarrassment since she took over.

The only problem is, I haven't been allowed to attend meetings lately and the PTA doesn't even consider me a member anymore (MORE JEALOUSIES THAT I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE TIME TO GET INTO RIGHT NOW). The whole thing disgusts me. But if June Snapple thinks that's going to stop me from running for president SHE SHOULD THINK AGAIN (or should I say for the FIRST TIME IN HER LIFE!!!). I already have my first campaign slogan ready: "June Snapple is one bad apple! Vote for a mom who has kids that won't end up in prison!"

Anyway, I'm off. Fortify is having her pictures taken today and then it's off to the next round of a competition that is beneath her. I tell you, it will be nice when this pageant is over and we can start focusing on regionals!!!

~I Will Own The PTA

Dream Catcher Competition!!!!

Hey mommies!!!! So many of you sent in AMAZING dream catchers this week!!! Unfortunately, I had to limit the competition a little because we had too many entries. This is getting SO competitive!!! I hope some of you are as good under pressure as MY FORTIFY!!! Anyway, I chose 7 entries this time that really spoke to me. Some of these included captions, which I included below the picture. Look at them carefully and DON'T FORGET TO VOTE ON THE TOP RIGHT OF THE BLOG!!! I'm going to leave voting open until MONDAY AT 11:59 PM!!!!!!

Sara's Domesticated Dreams: "It includes some fun beads from my daughter Roger's latest birthday party, her pageant lipstick (it's an ADORABLE shade of sparkly pink!), a can opener (even though I only serve my children FRESH fruits and vegetables, we do like to keep cans on hand for feeding the hungry in our neighborhood, because it just BREAKS MY HEART to see people who just are not as BLESSED and FORTUNATE as I AM!), and of course Roger's ABSOLUTE FAVORITE HAIR BOW. Her brother Roger was so happy to see such a wonderful representation of the fabulous women in our family. I am just so proud of my AMAZING CHILDREN. They really look up to your Fortify, after all. We ALL hope that some day they can meet such an inspirational young lady!!!"

Melissa's Banana Dreams: "This dream catcher is made of 100% recycled bananas, Christmas string, and tacks. The tacks were used to hold up my kids works of art but they got bumped."

Kodi's Phone Dreams: Came without a description, but was apparently part of a  show-down at work this week (I feel SO bad for Kodi's children that they have a mommy who cares more about her career than them!!!! But you know me, I don't judge other moms. I just help).

Shauna & Karin's Celebration of Spring: More working moms. Poor things. (I mean their kids).

Antoinette's The First Eye Dream Catcher: "Mine is two sided.  The first side is a shiny surface designed to blind "The First Eye" and the second side is designed to fool "The First Eye" into thinking the area is occupied since they are loners."

Andrea's Beauty in the Great Outdoors: This "is what you get when we Amazing Mothers Do Our Best. We know that a good mother mixes the outdoors with the indoors. I used a simple hanger to create the frame, and grocery bags, tin foil, and plastic wrap to complete the basics. I then gathered herbs from my yard. Also, no fabulistic mother-woman is complete without several hair flowers and bling jewelry to go with her fantastic hair bumpit and dream catcher."

Daniel's Online Dangers: "As mommies, we've got to be on the look out for online dangers!  That's why I designed this super cutesy computer dream catcher!!!!   This catcher is intended to protect us from the "undesirables" of life (my husband wouldn't let me use his picture!?!?!)  The cottage cheese was put in to represent not wanting cottage cheese legs, but I used cottage cheese because I'm a good mommy, and don't want any enticing images on my computer.

The kid, well, because no mommy would ever be proud of a kid with that hair color

And the chicken to serve as a warning to the Queen of Colors."

NEW CRAFT!!! And Update on the Kids!!!

Hey mommies!!! So it has been such a CrAzY weekend here at our house!!!! First of all Fortify had her first round of the Miss Patty Pageant and SHE WAY OUTSHINED THE OTHER GIRLS!!!! I'm not surprised, and I'm sure nobody else was. I just hope that the judges aren't as incompetent as the pageant administrators. GAGs! They physically prevented me from going back stage because of "new policy." But you know what was interesting? I saw OTHER mommies going back stage. Other mommies who dress their children LIKE THEY WORK IN A SWEAT SHOP SOMEWHERE!!!! Unbelievable. But you know me. I don't judge other moms who haven't updated their fashion sense since the '80s! (Which is pro'lly the last time they thought of the word "exercise" or cared about their children).

Then, Cider and Opaque had a dance recital and as you can imagine, THEY STOLE THE SHOW!!! Other parents were complaining after the performance that my babies got too much attention and demanded that they not be allowed to take center stage in future performances. It must be SO hard to have disappointing children.

To top it all off, Aloe charmed us at home with a very moving rendition of her one-girl-show adaptation of Oedipus (my FAVORITE story). She was so compelling in every single part. If I weren't interested in keeping my babies out of the spotlight so they can just have a normal well-adjusted childhood, I'm sure she would be a HUGE star by age 4!!!

Casper had some spelling bee or sporting game or something going on too, but we didn't make it because of Aloe's home performance.

Anyway, but what I'm REALLY excited to tell you about today is . . . . . . . . . ARE YOU SITTING DOWN?!?!?!?!?!? . . . . . . I MADE ANOTHER SO WAY CUTE CRAFT!!!!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!! You are just going to DIE when you see it!!! I got the idea while I was setting up for a neighborhood picnic (which NOBODY attended, ehem!!!) and I have made 75 of them for the kids' rooms!!! The girls just LOVE them.

THIS WEEK'S SO WAY CUTE CRAFT: DREAM CATCHERS!!!!!


In my opinion, you can NEVER have too many dream catchers. So below is a pic of my FAVORITE one I made. Alls I did was cut out the center of a paper plate, staple some rubber bands to it, and then decorate the center with household products. As you can see in the pic, I include fake sugar packets, Casper's tooth brush, an egg, and then adorned the top with some toilet paper. AND THAT'S SERIOUSLY IT!!! It turned out SO WAY CUTE and I can't WAIT to show people when they come over.

"Tooth Brush Egg"

Now FOR THE COMPETITION: Same rules as last time. You all have until Thursday at 11:59 PM to send me your own home made dream catcher to itjustgetsstranger@gmail.com. I will select the cutest entries and enter them into the competition. SOME OF YOU SENT YOUR BOTTLE DOLLS IN LATE LAST TIME!!! NO EXCEPTIONS!! Do you really think if Fortify showed up late for a beauty competition, they would let her compete?!?!?!?!?!!?

Can't wait to see your submissions!!!!

~Dream Catchers are Always Ugly

Bottle Doll WINNER!!!!!1!!!!!!

WELP! THE MOMMIES HAVE SPOKEN!!!! And we have a winner! Congrats to my new e-bff Melissa for her submission "Beach Doll" apparently named "Trudy!!!" Welcome Trudy and Melissa to the new mommy winner CRAFTS TAB!!!! As you noticed, I didn't enter my own bottle doll into the competition. I didn't think it would be fair or fun for everyone to see my crafts consistently winning these competitions. Not every mom has the time, energy, talent, love, etc. that I have in the same way. Some moms don't care about how their homes look. Some moms let their children WATCH TELEVISION!!!! But you know me--I don't judge other mommies for letting the smut of the world raise their babies. I just help.

Well I'm off! Fortify is out selling Girl Scout cookies again, despite attempting to convince the organization that it would one day pay for all the type two diabetes it causes. Her complaints went unheard. And you all know my Fortify!!! When competition is in the air, SHE CAN'T HELP BUT STEP UP AND EXCEL!!! Someone the other day commented to me about this quality in Fortify and this person said that she could tell Fortify got that from ME! I was so embarrassed and WAS TOTALLY BLUSHING when this person said that! I was all like, "OMG! I hope nobody heard you say that!!!" Those of you who don't know me probably don't know HOW MUCH I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE COMPLIMENT ME! ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC!!! I'm not really the braggy or the center of attention type so it's really uncomfortable for me when someone stops me and tells me how good of a mom I am, or how impressive my girls are, or how good of a singer I am, etc. (all things that I was UNFORTUNATELY  told in just the last week alone! B.L.U.S.H.I.N.G.!!!).

Ok, have a nice weekend! And stay tuned for my next craft competition!! What I have in store for next time is WAY SO CUTE!

~Please Compliment Me Frequently

BOTTLE DOLL COMPETITION!!! VOTE!!!

Well I have the best news since Cider restructured our Neighborhood Watch to include monthly safety instruction meetings taught by yours truly! (Which nobody has yet attended--I GUESS I'M THE ONLY MOMMY OUT THERE WHO CARES ABOUT PROTECTING HER BABIES!!!! But you know me, I don't judge other moms who aren't capable of love to the same level as THIS mommy). After receiving some of your craft submissions, I have chosen a few of the CUTEST ones for our craft contest and I'm posting them here today! PLEASE VOTE FOR THE CUTEST CRAFT!!! YOU CAN VOTE ON THE TOP RIGHT OF THE BLOG!!!! I will leave the voting open until Wednesday at midnight.

Whichever craft gets the most votes is going to go in our new "Cutest Crafts" Tab!!! More cute craft competitions to come (if ever I can find enough time between Fortify's award ceremonies!!!:))!!!!!
                    

#1: Krishelle's "Pepsi Doll"

#2: Eliza's "7 Up Doll" (Which you should NEVER give to your children)

#3: Daniel's "Napkin Head Doll"

#4: Melissa's "Beach Doll"

CRAFTY CRAFT CRAFT!!!!

First of all, UPDATE ON MY HAIR! It's TOTES SO CuTe!!!!!! You wouldn't believe it! I just place the Bump-it right in the back and it makes my head look like an alien! I can't wait to try more Bump-it options! Everyone was STARING AT ME yesterday when I took Fortify to one of her glamour photo shoots (pics to come!)! Everyone was SO JEALOUS of my hair!!! I could see it in their eyes!

But it hasn't been ALL hair around here! I have been making the CUTEST CRAFTS EVER!!!!!!!! It's so amazing what you can do when you have some odds and ends sitting around (AND with a little talent, if I do say so myself!!!!). And so I have another HUGE announcement!!!!!!! While working on my parenting book, I'm also going to start posting the CUTEST pics ever of the CUTEST crafts I'm making in my home!!!!! YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THEM SO SO SO SO SO MUCH!!!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!! JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE THEM! It's going to help so many of you mommies decorate your homes in a way that ISN'T SO EMBARRASSING!!! I've been to other mommies' homes AND BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YOU THAT THERE ARE SOME PROBLEMS OUT THERE! But you all know me---I don't judge! I just help!

So this first SO WAY CUTE craft is called "Bottle Doll" and it's SO EASY to make (and SO CuTe!!!! <3)! Alls you do is take a cute water bottle, and a can of tuna fish and a white napkin. Wrap the napkin around the can and draw a silly face on it. Then stuff it in the mouth of the water bottle. AND THAT'S SERIOUSLY IT!!!! I have put 70+ around my house! The only trouble is, it's hard to keep Aloe from playing with them! She keeps trying to teach them Hebrew, and I'm all like, "ALOE!!!! They're dolls for heavens SAKE!!!!" What we mommies go through! Nobody without kids know what a challenge life can be! I FEEL SO SO BAD FOR THEM!!!!

K! Make some and send me pics please (itjustgetsstranger@gmail.com)!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to see how crafty my mommy friends are! AND I'll even send you a critique to help you improve! I'll even post your pics if I see any that are good enough!


~I make the cutest crafts EVER!

Casper . . . AND MY HAIR!!!!

I am at WIT'S END!!!!!!! I had no idea having a boy would be THIS hard! This morning when I got Casper up at 5:00 to practice the violin and memorize the Gettysburg Address, you know what he said to me?!

Casper: Mommy, I'm so tired. May I please sleep until 5:20 today?
Me: Casper, every second you stay in that bed, a child is becoming more impressive than you.

I don't know how I can make it more clear to him. If he doesn't learn this at ALMOST AGE 3, I don't know how he thinks he's going to learn it as an adult.

I only mention this out of love. I love Casper. He has so many good qualities. He's genetically gifted, for example. He's the only one in the family that can get the Queen of Colors to sleep. But he is NOT living up to the high standard that his two older siblings have set for him. When I compare Casper to my Fortify, I just want to cry for him!!!

HELP!!!!! Is there any mom advice out there?!?!?!! Have any of you EVER dealt with a child this delinquent!!???!?!

I know that most of the time when a child misbehaves it's because of a parenting failure in the home. But I now have proof that that is NOT always the case.

In other news, I am trying ALL KINDS OF EXCITING THINGS WITH MY HAIR!!!!! I will probably post pictures of it every day for the next little while because I know you will ALL want to see it! I have no doubt in my mind that your healthy interest in my hair style is what gets most of you through the day.

This is what I'm going for:

SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO CUTE!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! I JUST WANT TO SCREAM BECAUSE IT'S SO CUTE!!!!

Love you sisters!!!!

~I'm So Into Myself