Monday, July 2, 2012
WORST NEWS EVER!!!!!!
I SUPPOSE it's unbecoming of a mommy to be so full of rage, but I DOUBT ANY MOMMY HAS EVER HAD TO DEAL WITH SUCH FRUSTRATION!!!!
JUNE SNAPPLE?!?!?!?! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???!???!
WHAT is WRONG with this STUPID GOOD FOR NOTHING TOWN!!!???
It all started Friday morning. My babies were out passing fliers and putting up anti-June posters when suddenly Fortify was approached by a police officer. This moron took Fortify from her work and made her bring him to me. Then he TOTALLY freaked out on me for putting up innocent pictures around town depicting June Snapple getting her head cut off with dull scissors (something everyone wishes would actually happen!). The posters were so way cute, not that some gross police officer man could possibly recognize that. I was all like, "I'm sorry you're so offended by this picture. I guess you've never met June Snapple???" But then he like starts threatening me that I have to take them down.
Well, I'm not the type that likes trouble so I was all like, "fine, don't come complaining to me when June Snapple invites Chugger Elementary to next year's barbecue and your kids all get lice as a result!"
Then I had to spend the rest of the morning going around town collecting all of my campaign materials. And moms, it was SO frustrating because I knew that it was all just a conspiracy by the town (headed by none other than June Snapple) to try to keep me from winning the election. But I knew that it didn't really matter BECAUSE WHO WOULD VOTE FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN WEARING THE SAME DRESS FOR THAT MANY YEARS???
So then the voting began. We all gathered at the school and waited in line. Then, after hardly more than half the total votes had been counted, someone announced that June Snapple had won and that was that.
Guys, I wish you could have seen how disturbing it was to watch the other moms cheer. It was like they knew if June Snapple didn't sense enthusiasm from them, her bad parenting skills would somehow turn their own children into illiterate morons too.
And the thing is, I KNOW there was cheating going on. Seriously, who would have NOT voted for me??! I suspect that even June Snapple probably wanted to vote for me. I hesitate to say anything because you know I don't like to start rumors or gossip, but seriously, I'm 100% positive that June Snapple and Grace Telly stuffed the ballot box. And the whole town can see that ballot boxes aren't the only thing Telly is stuffing lately. Oink oink. And I'm confident that Grace Telly is too stupid to pull something like this off on her own, but June Snapple has been around the block a few times (in more ways than one!!! If you know what I mean!) and I'm sure she has rigged the election every year since she took office in 2001.
Well congratulations PTA! You get another year of lipstick teeth lady.
We might as well just turn the school into a brothel.
It's a good thing I don't judge.