Monday, August 20, 2018

Aloe is like a rising star

I have like so way many things to tell you like where does the time even go?! (It's probly getting stolen by poor people lolzzzzz).

Lately our whole lives have been pretty much about Aloe's pageant schedule. She is like so way cuter than all of the other ugos but there aren't really any other competitions she can compete in cause Sally Miss is the only 1 for her age group. This is the same pageant Fortify used to win before she hung up her crown and took up poetry.

Anywayzies, the only problem I've been having with Aloe is that she keeps gaining weight so I feel like I'm always like "put down the juice box tubbo!" and it's like so way unfair to me because I'm not naturally the kind of person who like says mean things and is critical of others but I'm a single mom so I have to be bad cop and if I don't like put up boundaries for Aloe she's going to look like Grace Telly's kids before she even gets to the first grade.

Soooooo we started her on this like new diet where she only eats kale and takes a vitamin and that's been pretty helpful but it's hard to make her stick to it cause there are like so many poor people at her school who are trying to sabotage her by giving her snacks that I'm not even lying have like sodium and calories and preservatives. And I'm all like, "oh I'm sorry your moms don't love you enough to make all natural meals for you every day but maybe let's not let bad parenting hurt my kid too."

And obvsies you guys like know that when I say stuff like that I'm not even judging, just helping. But I don't have to tell you that cause you get it.

I wish you guys lived in my town so you could join the PTA. June Snapple ran for PTA president even though she basically ruined the whole school during her last reign of terror so now I have to deal with another year of her like so way not cute BS and slutsmobile outfits.

June Snapple appointed Donna freaking Rable as her VP. Donna. Freaking. Rable.

The cutest thing about Donna Rable is her name (so not cute).

Donna Rable has like 96 children and most of them are homeschooled by Donna Rable which means its impossible for any of them to have advanced beyond first grade.

I am like basically praying right now that Donna Rable gets hit by 100 buses (she's so dumb that it would take 100 before she figured out how to die LOLZ YOU MOMS ARE SO BAD). I would even take Grace Telly again, but Grace Telly keeps complaining that her stupid cancer is back and how she like doesn't think she needs to be a good mom unless she's healthy.

I'm sorry Grace Telly but where I come from if you don't know how to keep yourself healthy maybe you shouldn't have kids.

Anywayzies, I better go. Casper has been fixing the roof and I need to check his progress cause he like so way doesn't do a very good job at most things.