Sunday, April 22, 2012

BIRD FEEDER WINNER and June Snapple's Shopping

Hi mommies! Well we had a very exciting craft competition vote this week with Daniel barely edging out the other mommies with his Holy Dove Bird Feeder. Be sure to congratulate this hard working mom when you see Daniel!!!

I have been BUSY BUSY BUSY this weekend. June Snapple has been a PAIN IN THE YOU KNOW WHAT. She practically assaulted me in the grocery store the other day. I saw her pushing some old woman around in a wheel chair (probably taking advantage of her!), supposedly "helping" her shop since this lady was too old to help herself. I thought, "how would it be to be June Snapple and have SO MUCH TIME on your hands that you have to wander around and find the vulnerable to be friends with you just so you can have company?"

Meanwhile, her kids were probably at home eating sugar and unsupervised because their dad is off in some country 10,000 miles away fighting some war (probably just to get away from June Snapple). But you know me, I don't judge other moms. I just help.

Anyway, as I was pushing my grocery cart with all of my organic foods and saline solutions for Fortify's cleanse, which will hopefully help her fit into her pageant dress (I wish she would STOP GROWING ALREADY), June Snapple wouldn't move that old bat's wheel chair out of my way. I was THIS CLOSE to suing her for entrapment. Then she said hello and asked me how my day was. SO PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE.

She is going to be in a LOT of pain when NOBODY votes for her in this PTA election. And believe me, NOBODY will vote for her when they hear what I have to say about her in the next couple of weeks!!!!!

~ June Snapple is Probably a Saint

Saturday, April 14, 2012


Hey mommies! I hope everyone is having SUCH a good week!!!! Things are looking up for me since June Snapple got food poisoning on Thursday! She's still campaigning (and probably neglecting her children in the process, but you know me, I don't judge other moms), but she's sick and therefore getting WHAT SHE DESERVES!!! ;-)

Anyways, below are the 5 best bird feeders you made! Make sure to vote for your favorite one on the top right! I'll leave voting open until the end of Wednesday! Let's beat our voting record of 207 for the dream catchers!!!

Kel's Bird Hair: So I'm always telling my teenage daughters two things: 1) Uh-Uh honey, you are NOT going out of the house with your hair looking like a bird's nest! and, 2) You should get outside more and enjoy nature. You so totally inspired me with your bird feeder cuz I thought, why not combine them!!?!? This is one of my daughters trying it out, and she LOVES it. All you do is make sure your hair can hold lots of stuff that attracts birds. In this case, we used leaves and a shiny tiara. But of course you could add whatever you have around, like grass or bugs or teeny-tiny books about migration. Then just fill the center with the foods your local birds love and hold really, really still! We have a lot of hummingbirds, so of course we use mostly popcorn and pistachio nuts, but again, the options are limitless. Next week we're going to add live mice to try to attract hawks.

Daniel's Holy Dove Bird Feeder: We are a religious household and we do what we can to attract only the most spiritual birds around here. All other birds are of the devil.

Melissa's Cat Bird Feeder:  We girls know how important it is to get "beach ready"....this fancy bird feeder sends the message "look, eating is ok....but let's not overdo it being unhealthy is for the birds"!! (#amIright??)

Sara's Toilet Roll: I totally have about 10 toilet paper roll bird feeders hanging on the trees in my front yard that we made last week.  The birds love them so much that we can't even keep up with enough tp and paper towel usage to supply the neighborhood flocks.

Ray's Teaser Bird Feeder: As a mom, I despise all birds. That is why I place the food in a way that no bird can possibly get to it. When I'm not to busy posting about the other moms in the neighborhood I'm mad about on Facebook, I sit at the window and watch the birds run into this.

Monday, April 9, 2012

June "Toilet" Snapple and COMPETITION!

OMG Sisters!!!! This mom is getting pretty darn tired!!! Fortify's pageants and Opaque's music performances HAVE TAKEN OFF THIS WEEK!!!! And what timing! Right as I've launched my campaign for PTA president!!! You should have seen the look on June Snapple's face this morning when she opened her front door and saw a dummy look-a-like with its detached head in a toilet and a big sign that said "June Snapple looks better this way! Run June Snapple out of the PTA and OUT OF TOWN!!!"

It wasn't one hour before she was calling the school board to whine about having a little competition. June Snapple is the WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO THIS TOWN! She's practically a terrorist! I get so tired of hearing everyone talk about all of her volunteer work at the homeless shelter and the foundation she organized for children with Leukemia. YOU KNOW WHAT SNAPPLE?! I WOULD HAVE DONE TWICE THAT IF I WASN'T BUSY WATCHING MY CHILDREN IN COMPETITIONS COMPLETELY EMBARRASS THOSE BRATS YOU ADOPTED  AFTER THAT FIRE TOOK OUT THAT VILLAGE IN WHATEVER COUNTRY THEY CAME FROM!

Anyway, now June is firing back, lest you started to feel sorry for her. I saw her poster up at the school today and it had some hideous picture of her and her kids and it said something like, "June Snapple asks for your vote so she can finish the job." FINISH THE JOB?!?!?!?!?!? SO NOW SHE'S THREATENING ME?!?!?!?! Fine by me! Now I have evidence that June Snapple is probably part of the mob! Then the poster went on to say something about involving all parents and children in the school community. Blah. Blah. Blah. Obviously an attack on Fortify for being so talented that there isn't room for other kids.

Seriously, I think this might be the most important election of our lifetime. I hate to think what June Snapple and her second-hand-clothes might do to this town with another year in power.

But you know me. I don't judge. I just help.

To take my mind off of the completely unfair and aggressive tactics in this campaign, I spent some time making another SO WAY CUTE CRAFT!!!! OMG this craft is SO WAY CUTE! Today's craft is . . . . . . . . . . drum roll  . . . . . .

A BIRD FEEDER!!!!!!!!!

Alls I did was I got two plates, shoved a pencil through the center, tied some of Casper's headphones to the top, put some sunglasses on it to represent spring and summer, and then put tons of super yummy chocolate covered bird food in. AND THAT'S SERIOUSLY IT!!!! I can't believe how easy it is! I have made 46 of them and put them all over my yard and they are SO WAY CUTE!!!

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO you know the drill! Make your bird feeders mommies! You have until the end of Thursday to send them in to me at And they BETTER be so way cute if you want to win the competition!

~Bird Feeders are Cute

Tuesday, April 3, 2012


In my last post, I announced my PTA president candidacy so be sure to read that if you haven't, because today I have some big news.

I don't want to overreact, but I'm pretty sure June Snapple is CHEATING in our race for PTA president!!!! I overheard her last week talking to a group of moms just after their spring luau planning meeting (which is SURE TO BE A TOTAL DISASTER, ESPECIALLY SINCE GRACE TELLY IS IN CHARGE OF IT THIS YEAR! Grace Telly hasn't succeeded in doing anything since she properly passed through the birth canal. And there are some who might even say that her doing so wasn't actually a success for the world! But you know me, I don't judge other moms who let their yards look like landfills and then blame it on their "cancer." I just help.). Anyway, while they were talking, I heard June Snapple say something about ballot stuffing. I can't be sure, but I'm rarely wrong about anything. So now I HAVE TO CHEAT IN ORDER TO EVEN THE PLAYING FIELD!!!! What is wrong with this world?!?!?! Why am I always the victim!??!?!?!

Fortify and Opaque have been licking envelopes all day to send out some fliers for the campaign. I hate to waste their precious talents on such menial tasks, but I've attended so many of their performances and things that I think it's safe to say they owe me BIG TIME by now. I'm doing my best to get Casper to stay out of our way. I tell you, that boy IS A HANDFUL!

I've just designed a new flier accusing June Snapple of embezzling PTA funds last year to take her family on a big trip. In all honesty, it's mostly not true. She DID go on a big trip. But I doubt she's intelligent enough to figure out how to embezzle money. But if she's going to cheat, I feel like I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE!!! Plus, it's ultimately for good because whatever I can do to keep June Snapple from another term is going to benefit the community 1,000 times over!

I don't know how I do it all!

I love you, dear mommies! Keep being you (if you're trying to be me!!! ;-P)!!!!

~I Will Be PTA President!