Monday, August 24, 2015

Five Ways to be a Better Mommy Blogger!!!!!!!

OMG moms. I like totes don't even have time for this but I know how much you all so way count on me for knowing how to live and be mothers and turn your houses into homes so I am sacrificing the crap out of myself to be here for you. And that's why I decided to give you a list of five things you can do to make your mom blog better.

1. Be a mom FIRST, a mommy blogger SECOND, and everything else third.

I know it's so way tempting to not put your kids first and like always want to blog and share your so way cute crafts and stuff but I'm telling you that if you aren't a better mom than everyone else THEN WHAT THE CRAP ARE YOU EVEN GOING TO BLOG ABOUT IN THE FIRST PLACE! I always make sure sing to Aloe for three hours every night BEFORE I sit down to blog. I'm not saying that that makes me a better mom than, say, June Snapple. But only because there are like a thousand other things that get me there.

2. Talk as much as you possibly can about your child when she poops in the toilet.

Moms. Srsly. Your friends so way want to know about this stuff so it's so way important to blog about when your baby first poops. Post pictures. Describe the experience. Talk AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE about the potty training.

This one was really hard for me to do with Fortify because she was like way potty trained like 10 seconds after she was birthed in the bathtub at home (because if you love your child you won't give birth in a hospital--NOT JUDGING JUST HELPING!!). But I think the best thing about Casper is that since he's my hard child and all that stuff, I've had a lot of opportunity to write as much as possible about how bad he is at being potty trained which brings me to my next point:

3. Share every possible personal detail about your child and leave nothing out.

Your kids will want to be able to look back and have their friends look back at everything you write about them and see all of the so way funny and embarrassing things they did. It's so way important to write all about the ways they are struggling in school and how many times they wet the bed even though they are probably too old for it. It's important to put this on the Internet for everyone to see.

4. Make the way trendiest clothes and force your kids to pose in them in kitschy places so you can post thousands of pictures on the blog so everyone can see that you are such a way artsy and talented mom.

It's important to do as many of these photo shoots as possible in front of barns and old fences.

5. Write lots of posts about people you don't like and who raise their children badly but be just obscure enough in your references that only some people will know who you're talking about.

Moms, the best way to make sure everyone is raising their children the right way is to point out whenever anyone is doing it the wrong way. That's why I try to talk about bad parenting examples, usually set by June and Grace. But I like so way try not to disclose their identities too often because I don't want people to judge them when they see them. I just want to help.

Anywaysies, that's basically it. Not everyone can be a good mommy blogger but we can all improve and I know that if you try to follow my example you will get so way better at it. Unless you're a poor person! HAHA LOLOLOLOLZZZZ.

You moms are so bad!


  1. That fence must be from Casper's photo shoot.

    Poor Casper.

  2. I laughed at "NOT JUDGING JUST HELPING!"

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. You just described half the twits I know with kids. I post an absurd amount of pics of my dog and cat to get even.

  5. i love this blog, hope you get back to posting!

  6. You should keep posting I randomly found this one day last year