June "Toilet" Snapple and COMPETITION!

OMG Sisters!!!! This mom is getting pretty darn tired!!! Fortify's pageants and Opaque's music performances HAVE TAKEN OFF THIS WEEK!!!! And what timing! Right as I've launched my campaign for PTA president!!! You should have seen the look on June Snapple's face this morning when she opened her front door and saw a dummy look-a-like with its detached head in a toilet and a big sign that said "June Snapple looks better this way! Run June Snapple out of the PTA and OUT OF TOWN!!!"

It wasn't one hour before she was calling the school board to whine about having a little competition. June Snapple is the WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO THIS TOWN! She's practically a terrorist! I get so tired of hearing everyone talk about all of her volunteer work at the homeless shelter and the foundation she organized for children with Leukemia. YOU KNOW WHAT SNAPPLE?! I WOULD HAVE DONE TWICE THAT IF I WASN'T BUSY WATCHING MY CHILDREN IN COMPETITIONS COMPLETELY EMBARRASS THOSE BRATS YOU ADOPTED  AFTER THAT FIRE TOOK OUT THAT VILLAGE IN WHATEVER COUNTRY THEY CAME FROM!

Anyway, now June is firing back, lest you started to feel sorry for her. I saw her poster up at the school today and it had some hideous picture of her and her kids and it said something like, "June Snapple asks for your vote so she can finish the job." FINISH THE JOB?!?!?!?!?!? SO NOW SHE'S THREATENING ME?!?!?!?! Fine by me! Now I have evidence that June Snapple is probably part of the mob! Then the poster went on to say something about involving all parents and children in the school community. Blah. Blah. Blah. Obviously an attack on Fortify for being so talented that there isn't room for other kids.

Seriously, I think this might be the most important election of our lifetime. I hate to think what June Snapple and her second-hand-clothes might do to this town with another year in power.

But you know me. I don't judge. I just help.

To take my mind off of the completely unfair and aggressive tactics in this campaign, I spent some time making another SO WAY CUTE CRAFT!!!! OMG this craft is SO WAY CUTE! Today's craft is . . . . . . . . . . drum roll  . . . . . .


A BIRD FEEDER!!!!!!!!!

Alls I did was I got two plates, shoved a pencil through the center, tied some of Casper's headphones to the top, put some sunglasses on it to represent spring and summer, and then put tons of super yummy chocolate covered bird food in. AND THAT'S SERIOUSLY IT!!!! I can't believe how easy it is! I have made 46 of them and put them all over my yard and they are SO WAY CUTE!!!

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO you know the drill! Make your bird feeders mommies! You have until the end of Thursday to send them in to me at itjustgetsstranger@gmail.com. And they BETTER be so way cute if you want to win the competition!

~Bird Feeders are Cute

Casper . . . AND MY HAIR!!!!

I am at WIT'S END!!!!!!! I had no idea having a boy would be THIS hard! This morning when I got Casper up at 5:00 to practice the violin and memorize the Gettysburg Address, you know what he said to me?!

Casper: Mommy, I'm so tired. May I please sleep until 5:20 today?
Me: Casper, every second you stay in that bed, a child is becoming more impressive than you.

I don't know how I can make it more clear to him. If he doesn't learn this at ALMOST AGE 3, I don't know how he thinks he's going to learn it as an adult.

I only mention this out of love. I love Casper. He has so many good qualities. He's genetically gifted, for example. He's the only one in the family that can get the Queen of Colors to sleep. But he is NOT living up to the high standard that his two older siblings have set for him. When I compare Casper to my Fortify, I just want to cry for him!!!

HELP!!!!! Is there any mom advice out there?!?!?!! Have any of you EVER dealt with a child this delinquent!!???!?!

I know that most of the time when a child misbehaves it's because of a parenting failure in the home. But I now have proof that that is NOT always the case.

In other news, I am trying ALL KINDS OF EXCITING THINGS WITH MY HAIR!!!!! I will probably post pictures of it every day for the next little while because I know you will ALL want to see it! I have no doubt in my mind that your healthy interest in my hair style is what gets most of you through the day.

This is what I'm going for:

SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO CUTE!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! I JUST WANT TO SCREAM BECAUSE IT'S SO CUTE!!!!

Love you sisters!!!!

~I'm So Into Myself

BIG Announcement!!!!!

Hi friends! I've missed all of my blogging besties over the last week. I wish I could blog EVERY day but you all know how crazy things are around my house! Not a minute to think with all of the activities my babies are involved in this time of year! I can hardly believe Fortify is only a few months away from completing pre-school! I'm considering having her test out of the first several grades but I'm worried that the children in her peer groups desperately need her to stay involved in their classrooms. Many of these children do not come from good homes--they come from homes with parents who don't seem to care about them. Last week I saw one boy in Fortify's class show up to school with a TWINKIE in his lunch box!!! Can you believe that?!?!?! I almost called social services! But I know that not every mom out there has the ability to care for and love her child the same way I do. I'm sure this neglected boy has a mom with a lot of other things on her mind that she has decided to make more of a priority. Some moms just really struggle being moms and I can't fault them for that. MY HEAVENS!!! IF WE MOMS DON'T STICK TOGETHER, WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO US!!!!???

But all of this has me thinking, and I am now ready to make a BIG HUGE GIGANTIC announcement. Are you sitting down?  . . . . . . . . . . I'VE DECIDED TO WRITE A BOOK!!!!!!

I know what you're thinking: But Eli, you don't have time to write a book! You have FIVE kids under the age of FIVE!!! And I know that so many of you have seen us around at various award ceremonies and recitals (I'm so embarrassed that you've seen us engaged in all of these things! SO BLUSHING RIGHT NOW!). But even though my time is so valuable and in such high demand, I know that you all would benefit from a book from me about parenting. I plan to call it, "Stop being a Mom and start being a Mommy!" I believe it will be very easy to write as I don't really have to do any research, but just write about my life and experiences. The only thing I worry about is how to handle the delicate nature of dealing with a delinquent child, as I'm now experiencing with Casper. Unless I find a way soon to figure out how to get Casper to move on from children's fictional novels and branch out to reading biographies, I don't know that I'll be a credible enough source on that topic in time to have the book published by Christmas this year.

Anyway, I would SO appreciate any questions you might have that you would like me to address in the book. You've seen me be a mommy and you can probably think of things in me that you've always wanted for yourselves, so please don't be shy to point those out!

~It Just Gets More Annoying